


Be Strong, For Me

by consultingdramaqueen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, I Don't Even Know, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-23
Updated: 2013-08-23
Packaged: 2017-12-24 09:35:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/938400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/consultingdramaqueen/pseuds/consultingdramaqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. Takes place in 5x04, The End, when Zachariah transports Dean to 2014 to see what will happen if he says no to Michael. Future-Dean, has his ideas of how he should handle the situation, while Future-Castiel has other ideas. </p>
<p>I really don't know how to summarize this without giving too much away. Apologies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Be Strong, For Me

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I honestly have no idea where this came from. And it's... wow. It's four am. I might have gone a little crazy with endverse!Cas, but I wasn't really sure how to write him, and I just got this random idea for a fic today. Yeah. I don't know. 
> 
> This is also my first (finished) Destiel fanfic, so yaaay. 
> 
> Enjoy if at all possible.

            “Fucking angels!” Dean yelled as he slammed the door of the truck. “Fucking croatoan!” he screamed, pulling the seat belt over his chest before clicking it into place. “Fucking… fucking Future-Me! I swear to God, the second I get back to the real fucking world I’m going to gank that son of a bitch, angel if it’s the last thing I do—”

Cas was laughing, but not just _laughing,_ he was more laughing so hard that he doubled over in the driver’s seat of the truck he was about to drive. Dean had never heard Castiel laugh, and especially not like that. In a normal year, Dean would have probably enjoyed seeing Cas laugh like that… but it was 2014, and Cas wasn’t… Cas. Not the Cas that Dean knew.  

“What the hell is so funny?” Dean snapped as he slammed back into the seat, crossing his arms indignantly across his chest.

Cas, after he finished laughing his once-angelic ass off, looked over to Dean with a wide smile on his face. “Hey, like I said earlier. I like past-you.” His smile turned a little sad as he started the engine and started to follow the other vehicles onto the road. “I miss past-you,” he whispered, almost as if Dean wasn’t supposed to hear it. Dean sighed and closed his eyes a moment; he didn’t know what he’d missed in the last five years, but whatever it was, it was fucking _huge._ All of it. How had things gotten so out of control?

They drove a little ways in silence, before Cas pulled out a bottle of pills and began popping them. Dean grabbed the bottle from Cas’ hand and studied them over. After Cas explained why he was doing the drugs—something about them being a perfect antidote—Dean couldn’t believe it. He just couldn’t believe that Castiel had turned into… what he was today. He was, in fact, happy that the stick was out of his ass, and so he told him, but something deep inside of him was in pain, seeing him so different. So depressed.

After a short conversation on how Cas had went mortal, and how he’d once belong to a much bigger, better, proverbial club, he went onto explain why he was like this.

“I’m hopeless… And why the hell not bury myself in women and decadence?” Cas asked bitterly.

“You aren’t hopeless, Cas,” Dean interjected before Cas could go on further. “Dean—I’m— _we’re—_ Whatever, is going to kill Lucifer tonight, and everything will be over and—”

Cas broke out into laughter again, but this time it was sadder and more strained. “I’m dying tonight,” he said with a shake of his head. “We all are. Except you two, probably. Hopefully.”

“What?” Dean asked, cocking his head to the side. “Are you on some kind of suicide mission or something?”

Cas shook his head and looked to the side at Dean for a moment before looking back to the road. “I know you, Dean. I know you, as in you, who you are right now in this truck, and I know the future-you, the one that’s leading this whole thing.” He made another sad laughing noise before looking over to Dean with a half-smile. “Dean knows that there’s a trap, and that we won’t all be able to go through, so he’ll send all of us, except the two of you, through the front door as decoys while you two go in through the back.”

“How high are you?” Dean asked, blinking a few times in Cas’ direction. He would never do that. _Ever._ Not in 2009, and not in 2014. Ever. He’d never sacrifice a group of friends, especially not _Cas_ , even to beat Lucifer. “How could you even know that? I wouldn’t do that. And if you know he’s—I’m going to send you in then why—?”

“I know because I know him better than anyone else in the world… And I’m going in because I’m still too in love with you, the both of you, to say no; even if it means risking my own life,” Cas said with a completely straight face, like it was the most obvious thing in the world to both of them.

Dean chocked on the air he was breathing and stared at Cas with huge, confused, eyes. “You…”

Cas laughed and shrugged it to the side. “What can I say, I get really truthful when I’m high,” he joked, but there was truth to it—to it all.

“So you’re saying you’re in love with… him, me, us, and—”

Once again, Cas cut Dean off. “Believe it or not, hell, believe whatever you want, it won’t matter in a few hours, but there was time that you felt the same.” A sad smile crossed Cas’ lips, like he was remembering a time in which he were happy. “Then all of this started. The apocalypse turned you into someone else and you were no longer… Well, you’ve met you, who you are now at least. All you care about is stopping Lucifer, and I can’t blame you.”

“How can you know that he’s about to kill you and everyone else off? I mean, if I… I love, or loved, or will love you at some point,” _God this is so weird,_ Dean thought, but it wasn’t just the whole him apparently loving Cas, and Cas loving him thing, because, that, oddly enough, was the semi-believable part, but the fact that Future-Him was willing to sacrifice someone he once loved for this? He couldn’t get around that. “How can you think that I would do that to you?”

“ _You_ wouldn’t, not 2009-You,” Cas amended. “But things are different now, Dean. Things are scary and everyone’s dying. If Lucifer dies, then maybe the world will… go back to a remnant of what it used to be.”

“I’m not letting him send you to your death, Cas,” Dean growled under his breath. “If this whole… thing you said that went on between you and him, us, then I won’t let him let you die like this.”

“Dean—”

“Goddammit, Cas, I can’t let you die!” Dean yelled before looking over at Cas. “Just… just pull the truck over,” he whispered.

“I can’t, we’re on a schedule,” Cas tried, but it was no use.

“Just pull the goddamn truck over!” Dean screamed, his voice cracking the smallest towards the end.

Cas sighed and pulled the truck off to the side of the road. “I guess I’ll just tell them we had car trouble,” he muttered, “none of these vehicles even work that well, anyways.”

Dean looked over to Cas and shook his head. “I don’t want to believe any of this.”

“Well, believe it,” Cas said with a small, humorless laugh. “This is what Zachariah wants you to see. He wants you to see how shitty the world will be if you keep saying ‘no’ to Michael.” Cas looked over at Dean, right into his eyes so intensely that Dean knew he couldn’t look away, even if he tried. “But listen to me, Dean,” Cas said gently, as if he spoke any harsher that something would break. “Say no. Be strong, be strong for me, and say _no._ ”

It was the last thing Dean was expecting to hear from Cas, who was apparently about to die. All of this could be avoided, and he was still telling him to say no. “I don’t understand,” Dean said quietly, finally getting away from Cas’ stare. “I could stop all of this, prevent all of this from happening if I just say yes—”

“ _No_!” Cas interrupted him. “Call me selfish, but if you say yes when you get back to your real world, then I’d never have the memory of…” he shook his head quickly and looked away from Dean sadly. “Of what we had,” he whispered, looking out into the dark woods to the left of them. He sounded so… _broken_. “It feels like a million years ago, and all of this is probably freaking you out, but we did have something, Dean. I loved you, and you loved me. Future-You is too focused on ending this, and like I said before, I understand it… But I still love you. Guess I always have. A part of me still loves the you that is now… But most of me loves the you that is… well, you. Right here. Who you used to be so many years ago.” Cas smiled sadly after a moment and looked back over to Dean, reaching out to cover Dean’s hand gently with his own. Dean shivered a little and got this weird feeling in the bottom of his stomach; part of him was telling him to pull away, but another, greater, part of him didn’t want to. “If you say yes, you’ll end up dead. I don’t want that for you, Dean.”

“Cas if—”

“Look, I’m about to die soon, and I really don’t want my last memory to be fighting with Past-You about the past, which for you, I guess, is the future.” He laughed a little and shook his head. “This is too confusing.”

Dean nodded and sighed. “Tell me about it,” he muttered.

They were silent a moment as Dean sifted through his thoughts. There was so much he had on his mind: the apocalypse, Lucifer, Future-Him’s plan to kill his other friends and Cas, who was apparently his ex-boyfriend or something along those lines. There was so much impossible wrapped up in this whole situation; Dean didn’t know how to handle it… any of it.

Cas pulled the car back onto the road and started driving again, and apparently to his death, at that. The rest of the ride was painfully quiet. Cas hadn’t pulled his hand away from Dean’s the entire ride; Dean wasn’t sure exactly how he felt about it, but he wasn’t about to pull away. The man was about to go into a death trap, just because Future-Him told him too. The least he could do was hold his hand.

And honestly, it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. It was actually calming, to an extent.

They pulled up behind the one car that was already there and Cas sighed a little. “Like I said, these vehicles break down all the time,” he said. “We’ll have to wait till the rest get here until we go in.”

“I’m going to talk me out of it,” Dean mumbled, more to himself than Cas. “I’m not letting him kill you, Cas. I’m not letting him-me just… just dismiss this whole thing you say we had and—”

Cas cut him off as he leaned in and pressed his lips against Dean’s, finally pulling his hand away from Dean’s and cupping the back of his neck. Cas seemed so at ease kissing him, which he probably was, if what he said was true. Dean stayed still a moment, his eyes opened as he just sat still and let Cas kiss him, but after a moment he closed his eyes and kissed back. He couldn’t stop himself. Something about it, Cas, kissing him just felt natural somehow… _right._

The kiss didn’t last too long, but Dean couldn’t help falling into it a little more than he’d expected himself to. He couldn’t stop himself from wanting to kiss Cas even more and more, once he got the first little taste of his lips pressed against Cas’.

Cas was the first to pull away, breathless as he stared into Dean’s green eyes. “I haven’t done that for years,” he whispered with a small, awkward laugh. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t die without doing that at least one more time.” There was a small blush that flushed Cas’ cheeks, and Dean had to admit that it was… sweet. Cute, even.

“Don’t apologize,” he whispered, his voice scratchy and his throat tight. He felt like crying. He was still in shock of everything that had happened, or will happen, rather. He hated this whole ordeal, and he just wanted to go back to 2009.

Cas pressed his forehead against Dean’s for a moment and shook his head a tiny bit. Dean swore he saw a tear fall from Cas’ eye, but Cas managed to shake it away before Dean could be sure. “I don’t want to die, Dean,” he whispered softly. “But I will… for you. Even this, colder version of you that you, out there, are now. If you think this is the only way to stop all this, then I’ll do it.”  

Dean bit his lip and closed his eyes, feeling his chest tighten up and his breath hitch a little. He didn’t know what he was feeling, but whatever it was, it hurt like hell. “How’d you manage to score with me, anyways?” Dean whispered, not noticing how close their lips were again until he spoke.

Cas laughed a softly and shook his head again. “Before I lost all my… ‘mojo’… you managed to get me drunk, and then you got drunk, and,” Cas moved his hand to gently cup Dean’s cheek. “I kissed you. One thing led to another and…” his voice started to get a little chocked up, and he pulled away from Dean quickly. “And the rest is history.”

Dean looked down at his lap; had he gone so long not realizing Castiel had… feelings for him? Did he have feelings for Cas? The questions, along with many others, rammed against the walls of his mind as he sat in the car with Castiel, but not Castiel, not his angel-Castiel. He had to push it to the back of his brain; honestly, it was something that could wait.

“I’m sorry I’m—he’s doing this to you,” Dean whispered before looking over to Cas. “You don’t deserve it, man,” he muttered in a gruff voice. “None of you do.”

Cas shrugged as he looked at the rear-view mirror, seeing the last car pull in. “It doesn’t matter,” he said before looking over at Dean. “Remember what I said, Dean. Say no to Michael. You can fight him; it doesn’t look like you can, but you can. Try your hardest, and do whatever it takes to beat this damn apocalypse. Remember that.”

Dean nodded and began to open the door. Cas reached out and grabbed his arm gently. “Me dying today isn’t going to be your fault. I don’t blame you… I don’t blame either of you,” he said gently. Dean nodded again, unable to produce any other words, before Cas leaned over and pressed another gentle kiss to Dean’s lips. “I love you,” he whispered.

Before Dean could think of a response, Cas got out of the truck, as if he knew that Dean didn’t know how to respond.

-0-

The way Dean—Future-Dean, that is—explained the plan to everyone made Dean feel sick. He looked over at Cas, who gave him a look that he could tell meant _it’ll be okay_ , but it _wasn’t_ okay and it wouldn’t be _okay_. None of it was. Halfway throughout Future-Dean’s little speech on their plan, Dean saw Future-Him and Cas share a look. Future-Him knew Cas knew, and it didn’t even seem to faze him. He swore he could see Cas’ heart break. Cas looked down at his gun in his hands, pretending to load it, but Dean knew better than that. He knew Cas was just trying to hide how hurt he really was by all this.

Dean felt sick, that was all there was to it.

He managed to get Future-Dean off to the side to talk to him, but he didn’t know why. He knew what the outcome would be. He knew how he thought; there was going to be no talking him out of this. But he had to at least _try._

“How can you be doing this?” Dean snapped at Future-Dean, his voice raw and angry. “How can you be sending your friends? To Cas _,_ who seemed to be a whole hell of a lot more than just a _friend_ to you, me… us…?”

Future-Dean sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “He told you about that,” he stated what sounded like what should have been a question with a sigh. “Goddammit, Cas…”

“How can you do that to him? To all of them?” Dean asked angrily. “Cas still loves you… us, apparently! And according to him, you two had something going on, which just make this whole situation that much more fucked up! How can you just send him in there after all that…?”

Future-Dean scowled at Dean and shook his head. “You don’t understand yet?” he asked with an unamused chuckle. “Look around, man, what do you see? A whole lot of _shit,_ that’s what. If I can kill Lucifer tonight, then that will end. All of this well be over.”

“Do you really believe that?” Dean asked himself in a gruff, defensive voice. He didn’t know why he bothered to ask; he knew perfectly well that Future-Him didn’t believe it, but would say he did anyways.

“Yes,” Future-Dean answered after a moment of hesitation. “Just remember, we wouldn’t be here if I—we—didn’t say no to Michael.”

“I don’t care _why_ we’re here!” Dean yelled. “I’m not going to let you kill Cas and the rest of them!”

“Really?” Future-Him asked with a laugh. Dean didn’t find it at all funny, but he didn’t have time to respond, because before he knew it, he was out cold on the ground.

-0-

When he came to, all he could hear was gunshots. He stood up, and willed himself not to believe that Cas was dead. Cas was alive. He had to be. He didn’t care what logic stated; he just had to believe that Castiel was alive. Even though in the back of his head, there were voices screaming at him that Castiel and everyone else who’d gone inside were dead, he willed himself to believe that his former-angel had made it out alive.

He ran through the back to find Future-Him, and when he did, he found himself under Sam’s—No, Lucifer’s—foot, his neck snapping in a matter of a second.

The conversation he had with Lucifer was painful, and he had a hard time absorbing it; all he could remember clearly was wanting to die. He wanted it all to be over.

He didn’t want this future. He didn’t want to be Michael’s vessel; he didn’t want to see Lucifer wear Sammy around like he owned him; he didn’t want to see the croatoan virus take over the majority of everything and everyone; he didn’t want to turn into what he saw himself turn into, cold and willing to kill his closest friends, and someone who had this undying, unexplainable love that he may or may not have reciprocated; he didn’t want this life.

He was tired, and he was done. He just wanted it all to be over.

But Lucifer refused to kill him, and before he knew it, Zachariah zapped him back to the present. He went on and on, about no more games, about how it was time for Dean to say yes, about everything he’d just lived through.

For a moment, Dean was considering saying yes. And then he thought of what Cas—Future-Cas—had said.

_“Listen to me, Dean, say no. Be strong, be strong for me, and say no.”_

“What’s it going to be?” Zachariah’s cold, harsh voice asked.

_“Be strong, be strong for me, and say no.”_

“Nah,” Dean answered, turning around to face Zachariah.

“Nah?” Zachariah spat out. “After all of that… you still answer no?” he yelled.

“Yep,” Dean said with a smirk on his face. “I don’t really want anyone wearing me to the prom,” he added. He knew Zachariah was mad now, and he could understand why he would be, with Dean being so stubborn. Be Dean refused to say no. He was going to fight this, all of it, and he refused to let Michael use him as his vessel.

He was going to make his own future.

“I have you right where I want you now, boy,” Zachariah yelled, charging forward towards him. Dean braced himself for whatever Zachariah had planned for him next, but it never came. Before he knew it, he was standing on some sidewalk in the middle of nowhere and—Cas.

Cas—real Cas, real, Angelic, Castiel—was standing in front of him with a soft smile on his face.

“Perfect timing, Cas,” Dean said, almost out of breath. He’d never been so proud to call Cas his friend in his life.

Cas’ smile got a little bigger, but not much. “We had an appointment.”

Dean sighed happily and lunged forward at Cas, wrapping his arms around him. “Never change,” he whispered, squeezing Cas tightly to his body. Cas stood still in his embrace for a moment, not moving even an inch, but after a few seconds, Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean gently. Dean knew that the whole hugging thing was foreign for Cas, but he didn’t care. He just held on tighter.

“I won’t,” Castiel said solemnly, as he tried to move out of the embrace, but Dean wouldn’t let him. Not yet.

He’d liked future-Cas, in a way, but mainly he just felt bad for him. Drowning himself in booze, drugs and women while feeling some, what seemed like, unrequited love for someone who had once loved him had made him so unbelievably depressed. It hurt him to see that version of Cas like that.

When it came right down to it, he liked this Cas a lot more. Sure, he was sort of uptight sometimes, and he wasn’t exactly easy to be around all the time, but he was Dean’s friend, his best friend. He liked him a whole hell of a lot more than that sad, future-version of the angel.

He may have even loved him a little bit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
